I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize