Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
