YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
