You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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