guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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