At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
