but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
