its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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