you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize