i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
