GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize