I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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