I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We are two peas in an std pod
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
