well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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