Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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