white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize