There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
