When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
