We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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