We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You were trust falling into bushes
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
