yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
