im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
