I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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