I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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