I wish I could punch you in the face.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
