Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
