someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Randomize