Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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