so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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