lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
