I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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