She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
