Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
