So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
