1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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