3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
