Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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