youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize