my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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