He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
