Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
