Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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