Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This is my gift to your gina
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize