I'm drive I can fine osifer
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
