Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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