As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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