Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize