so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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