so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
