I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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