Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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