We won't sleep together?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
