God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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