he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
