she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
