You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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