I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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