Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
