I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
