According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
