i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
