I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
