He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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