Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
