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I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
